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Many hold that the most sacred relationship is between mother and daughter, father and son—parent and. She loves her dad more than anything and has lived her entire life under his safe, loving wing. These are the stories about kids who were left on a random doorstep. Kids who consequently have a lot of hate in their heart.
I'm not sure if this is the right sub or not but I've been lurking for a while and I don't know where else to ask for advice about this. I'm an only child and my mother has a history of being emotionally unstable. For example When I was and teenager she would regularly sob in her closet for hours over various things; she still has episodes of crying over inappropriate things in public; over the course of my life she has constantly put me in situations where I feel responsible for her emotional and sometimes physical health.
As my parents' relationship wasn't great so my dad would sleep in a separate room and I'd sleep with my mom. This went on for FAR too long like, well into junior high.
My mother thinks i am her husband and wants me to go to bed with her. awkward. any advice?
As an adult she still tries to orchestrate situations where I will sleep next to her because it "comforts her" and it has become increasingly awkward for me. I'm sure a lot of you were wondering so thought I would get that established early on. Anyway, I grew up thinking there was nothing weird about this. Now I know better. I spent so many years feeling guilty and thinking I was a bad daughter, simply because I hated the whole arrangement and it made me feel very uncomfortable.
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Fortunately, I've lived with my SO for the past 5 years and haven't had to deal with this issue nearly as much. Flash forward to present day. My SO and I are each temporarily for 1 month staying with our mothers who are both divorced from our fathers and remarried now in our neighboring home towns while we look for a new place. He just got a job transfer and we had to move cross country back to our home state.
So I'm staying with my mom and step dad. Yesterday I had a UC flare up and was sick all day. My mom was concerned and super helpful about it. As evening approaches she informs me that myself and my dog will be sleeping in her bed with her that night and her husband will be sleeping on the couch. Now, firstly, I have my own wing in their house with bedroom and bathroom so this is absolutely unnecessary.
And secondly, it makes me very uncomfortable. Thirdly, it makes me feel awkward because she said it was my step dad's idea and framed it like he should be thanked for sacrificing his bed for us. So I look at her with what I'm sure was visible horror and try to get out of it. She acts like I'm just trying to be polite and keeps saying "No it's really ok.
I hate my parents. is that normal?
I promise he doesn't mind. I mind a LOT. So I say OK and the afternoon progresses. I'm thinking about whether it's worth it to rock the boat and just refuse to sleep with her or whether I should just suck it up and do it to avoid having to deal with her having an emotional breakdown. In the end I decide that absolutely no fucking way am I—a year old woman—going to sleep in the same bed as my mother when there are plenty of other beds to go around. I tell her and she gets upset. Starts asking me if it's because I'm mad at her. Or my stepdad. Then she says, with a deeply wounded tone "Do you just not want to sleep with me?
She looks like she's about to cry and lose it so I say, "it's not you. It's just that [dog] gets up at all hours and I like being on the other side of the house so I can let her out without waking anyone else up.
Also I have UC and having my own bathroom is a major plus. She then says, "because you know it was really for me. Because I need it. It makes me angry just thinking about it and typing it here. How dare she try and guilt trip me for not wanting to be her emotional crutch and participate in culturally inappropriate things like co-sleeping with your mother as an adult? I've only recently been looking back on my childhood and realizing how fucked up and unhealthy it was.
But I feel immensely guilty about that because my mother has always drilled it into my head not in a mean way at all, but still that she sacrificed everything for me and that the entire and only reason she is alive is for me and that if I died she would kill herself.
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She's always talking about how she devoted her entire life to raising me right and not repeating mistakes her abusive parents made worth noting that my grandmother, her mother, has weird boundary crossing issues like this, too. But that's another post so when I look back and start questioning how things she's done have damaged me, it makes me feel ungrateful. So there's this logical side of my mind saying "no, she is weird and you are normal for feeling uncomfortable. Do not feel guilty about this!
She sacrificed everything for you and now she needs you and you won't even do a little thing like sleep with her because it makes her happy? I have so many more stories like this but wanted to start here because it just happened and I don't know what to do about it.
Also trying to gauge if I really am a selfish ungrateful shit for feeling this way or not. I feel very lucky to have found this sub and the Reddit community in general.
Is it normal that my kindergartner suddenly wants to sleep in our bed?
This behavior goes way back to my early childhood and manifests in so many more areas of my life than just sleeping arrangements. We live in an area prone to hurricanes. A few years ago a minor hurricane was predicted to pass over us and we all expected to lose power for a few days. I lived with my SO about 45 minutes away from my then-single mother.
She lived in the town I attended HS in and had tons of friends there. At least 3 of her couple friends and 2 family members invited her personally to "ride out" the hurricane with them. Riding out a minor storm can actually be a lot of fun, granted you're staying with the right people, no one gets hurt, and major disaster is averted. My SO and I lived in a sq ft 1 bedroom 1 bathroom condo in the city.
We had already invited a few of his foreign co-residents to hang with us during the storm because they had no family in the states. We were planning a pretty sweet hurricane party.
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A day or so before the storm my mom calls me and asks to come and stay with me and SO. I was taken aback and asked her if she could stay with our family or any of her friends in her town, since we had ONE bed and we're already inviting other people over to stay. She immediately got upset and started crying, asking why I was rejecting her and saying she didn't want to be alone with her dog during the storm and that [for absolutely no good reason] these other invitations from friends and family just weren't viable options.
She was bawling about how I don't love her and how could I just leave her like that? And she was so scared to be alone and I'm abandoning her and Neither would my SO. But in this situation she had, by her own admission, SEVERAL other offers from friends and family who didn't want her to be alone during the storm. I just found the whole thing unnecessary.
Is it wrong to be creeped out that mom wants me to sleep in her room?
Her behavior made me angry because I felt manipulated and guilted into doing something that was abnormal. Like, why is she begging her 26 year old at the time daughter to stay with her during a hurricane? Shouldn't she be the one calling me to make sure I have a safe place to go? She even enlisted my grandparents to call me and try to guilt me into letting her stay with us.
Thankfully my SO helped me to stay strong and rebuff all of these attempts to manipulate me. It's like I knew it was tucked up and unhealthy and just having him there to confirm it made me resolute.
Well I'm sure you can guess what happened. My mother refused all invitations and rode out the storm alone, in her house, with her dog.
Mother wants me (year old woman) to sleep in same bed as her. cries when i won't. why do i feel guilty??
It took weeks for her to stop bringing it up randomly and crying uncontrollably about it usually in public. I don't regret saying no, but it hasn't done anything to make her respect my boundaries. It's like shoveling snow in a blizzard. Classic of emotional abuse!! She is definitely in the wrong here, you are not crazy and you are NOT the selfish one here!
You're not being selfish. She's asking for something from you without giving you anything in return. She's asking for something completely inappropriate from you I have older siblings. I think the last time my oldest brother slept in bed with my mom is when he picked me up in the middle of the night from my bed and put me in hers. We all disliked it, but wanted to comfort her, what with dad working out of town and her having nightmares.
She continued asking me to sleep with her, directly, during junior high. Even now, it's only once every few months that she really presses the issue--or anytime I'm in her room when she's going to bed--and begs me to "just stay here, you don't have to sleep here all night. You can just fall asleep here.
I'll sleep, you watch tv.